Thursday, August 20, 2009

GOOD night

Well, Mikey and I did our night visit with Ireland and she was doing wonderful! I'm still heavily medicated and can only understand things to a point....so with ultra simplicity I present her numbers for you. The number that is supposed to be between 40 and 50 but best at 50 was............50!!!! The 2 numbers that were supposed to stay the same.....were flipping back and forth between the same and one off!!! And for the CDH mama's that have been there before me...she is peeing lots!! For those that don't have a clue about the urine output.....basically Ireland is extremely swollen from the ECMO (bypass) and she is doing very well passing these fluids. And mystery of all mysteries, our baby has pooped TWICE!!!! Those in the know, well yes, we're proud. For those that are learning, pooping tends to mean that the stomach and bowels (that are still in her chest cavity) are working properly! For the Brady's out there, yes, this confirms your genetics :) !!! .......I will sleep well tonight. Ireland's doctor did walk by and say that the pooping was indeed a mystery and something to look into further (must they all be so brainy and scientific)....but I choose to believe that this is going to prove our baby is performing miracles.

Yes, we know to be prepared for a roller coaster with many ups and downs but tonight feels celebratory! Your prayers are working. So thank you everyone!!!!

up til now

First off, Mikey has been incredible, huh?! I spent a good amount of time last night just reading what Mikey has written and also the post from our friends and family. Thanks so much for all the thoughts and prayers. We've needed them.

As for me, I am well as can be. My entire pregnancy has been healthy and pretty great. I've learned all I could about cdh and well..........what happened is beyond belief.

Mikey has pretty much updated step by step so I'm sure I'll be repeating things....but here is my story.

Tuesday morning we were up at the said time of 430am....I was up at 4 because this was apparently my body's own determined time. ....anyway, we all got ready, did our thing and were out the door by 5. We started our journey pretty dang excited and all that was left, was to call to make sure emergency c-sections wouldn't push us back. We called, were told no emergencies....great. Said we'd see them at 6am and the other end of the phone said "name again"..."Brady"...."oh, we've got you down for 1230pm, cut at 230pm".......this begins our drama.

I was pretty distraught. In hindsight, I was overly upset but lets remember that I'd been told 7am for atleast a month and was told in the recent week or two that I'd have to wait about 12 hours before I could see my baby after the c-section. .....Well, do the math. If I was being cut at 230pm.....who was going to take me to see Ireland at 230am? I was beyond upset!!! I was an official wreck. Well, we turned around, went home, called a few folks and tried to relax. Mikey and Tristan did much better than I with the whole relax thing...T slept until 10 and Mikey just about had to be woken up. I fell asleep for about an hour and then spent the rest of the time playing solitaire.
Well, we all got prettied up and decided to do our best of getting excited again. This was not as easy as you'd think. I was still under the impression of having to wait 12 hours to see her and who was going to wheel me to my baby in the middle of the night. Actually, I was beyond hysterics. Once the nurse had us in what was to be my labor room, I broke down in front of her and commenced to look like an idiot that wanted someone's job for not calling us when there was a major scheduling problem and then to reschedule us at a time that would make it hard for us to see our baby....well, I can not remember a time that I cried so hysterically. .........Fortunately, this irritatingly cute nurse had seen my type before and ended up being some sort of angel that had me calmed and assured in minutes. She assured me that I'd see Ireland as much as I wanted and that the nurses were there for me.

....to keep a long story somewhat short, the nurses have been here for me. Also, because I could probably write entirely too much for one post AND Mikey has done a good job keeping everyone updated, I'll just try to quickly update up to now.

Well, I calmed down and changed into my lovely hospital gown. I spoke with several nurses and doctors about various topics of c-section, CDH, baby names, important paperwork and recovery for myself and later for Ireland. I was given an IV and then the ultrasound machine was rolled in. Sure enough, Ireland had flipped to head down. Crazy girl, when did she do that?!

We were moved to the big room across the hall and back to plan one where I would have a vaginal birth. .........After 2 cervix softening pills (right inside you and pushed painfully into me , or it felt that way) that took 4 hours a piece to take, I had actually started contracting pretty much on my own. Some contractions were stronger than others, some were felt and some were not. I believe I was given one more of the cervix softening pills and the pitocin (contract starting medication) was give to me a little before midnight. The plan was a very small dose of pitocin and just a very gradual increase in the drug because the NICU would be better prepared in the morning and Dr. Silver would also be there. I sort of on and off napped during this time. At one point, I went to the bathroom just because I felt that I could really have a BM and truth be known, sitting on the pot was sort of comfortable. After a minute or two of comfort, I heard that swish and was pretty sure my water had broke. Mikey came in to look because the swish felt different and sure enough he saw quite a bit of blood in with the amniotic fluid. He called the nurse in and she simply had me go back to bed and she'd talk to the doctor on call and see what the plan was from there. ....good patient that I am, I went back to bed, slept some, and slowly got to that point where I was just whiny and uncomfortable. Nothing was working in the bed so I had Mikey help me to the bathroom again. I think I was there for all of 5 minutes, somewhat comfortable just sitting there when there was another swish sound and i knew more fluid was in the toilet. Mikey came to see what I needed and I said to just call our nurse, it was time to get something going...plus, she hadn't gotten back with us on what was the game plan. Well, I got back to the bed, the nurse had arrived and started to check me. The next thing I remember is hearing something about the cord, feeling as if someone had a fist inside me and having a mask slammed in my face where I just knew that I was supposed to breathe.

Many hours later, I wake up from a fog, ready to go back to sleep...stay up for some reason and start to talk to Mikey. He calls me Mama and precedes to let me know that I had an emergency c-section. Whoa!!! That was just weird because I don't remember any of that.

I had a tough time realizing that Ireland was born on a Wednesday and that I gave birth. Nurses are coming in giving me meds, I'm sort of in pain and I just want to see Ireland. Somewhere at some point, I sign some papers, Mikey kisses me and my baby girl is rolled in to see me. I only really see her legs and part of her chest. I see a cute little baby but not really, I can't see her face or anything. I can't get out of the too low bed and she can't be moved in her too high isolette. ....Mikey gives me another kiss, tells Tristan to take care of me and lets me know he'll take lots of pics and he'll be back soon. ........I am moved to yet another room, meet more nice nurses and just sleep. Tristan helps me with anything and everything and I see that my man/child is good. He's really good. Better than that even. ......My bestest friend, Jeannie has been there when nothing was happening and then becomes my sister, mother and nurse all in less than a morning and early afternoon. Mikey has become daddy. He's always been Tristan's #2 daddy and now he's Ireland's numero uno!!......I all of a sudden really want my mama here.........I learn that our beautiful baby girl has asphyxia (result of umbilical cord having been pinched off and taking away her precious oxygen to her brain), in addition to pretty severe pulmonary hypertension (somewhat expected with CDH but in truth we were expecting this to be a milder case). .......My throat hurts because a tube was inserted in my throat when I had to have anesthesia for the emergency c-section. My incision hurts....and I am so tired. .......I want to see my baby. Well, baby girl has been having a tough time getting all of her initial tubes and such in her body. Her veins are awfully tiny because she's been on a cooling blanket. She needs to be at 35-36 degrees Celsius to help ease what has happened to the oxygen that was cut off to her brain due to the asphyxia. .......Tristan has met his baby sister. Mikey has spent some time with daughter and is distraught because he can not do for her. Mikey has also been told to stay away several times because the doctors have been working on getting certain procedures to work on her. ....Some point during the afternoon, Tristan watches a movie and Mikey rolls me to the NICU so that I can properly meet my daughter. She's so beautiful and honestly, just fat and cute. She's actually 7 lbs 12 ozs and 21.5 inches tall. Perfect really. ....did I say that already?...I'm told to ask questions. I do this and with each question, I get the answer that they can't answer that, they just don't know, time will tell. I just had percocet about 1/2 an hour before Mikey wheeled me to Primary Children's, so of course the facts that they give me, I'm having a hard time retaining the information or even understanding. .......I'm pooped. We throw kisses at our baby girl and leave her in the hands of the good doctors and nurses. .....I see that Mikey is also exhausted. On the way back to my room at the UofU, Mikey and I decide that he and Tristan should go on to the hotel and that we all get a good night of sleep. It's still somewhat early, but they need a decent meal, Tristan needs a change of scenery, and I really could use some time to process all of this. .....Mikey lets me know that he'll come back a little later in the evening, so that he and I can see Ireland again before we go to bed. ......After too little rest, too little to eat, and having talked to family on the phone, Mikey shows up and we spend a little time talking and then we're off to wish Ireland a good night. ........She is so still now. She was given a "paralytic" drug. She had been fighting her machines nonstop and she needed to rest. .....We love her so much already! We say our good nights. .......Mikey is sent back to the hotel with some aspirin, love, many thanks for keeping everyone updated and a wish that he'll finally get the deep rest he needs. I go back to my room for some breast feeding 101 and then to try to rest. I read all that Mikey has been posting and just love him even more. .....I hurt but am also amazed that it isn't as bad as I thought it would be. ..........I am woken a few times during the night with pain and some meds. Around 3am my phone rings. It is the NICU and decisions need to be made. ECMO has entered our life. I'm at that time being checked for UTI and having a catheter inserted for a sample and needing to call Mikey....What day is it again?........Well, I take care of my basic needs and call Mikey and let him know that the nurses know that I'll be needing a wheel chair and that Tristan will be in the room......Mikey and I meet with the doctor and we agree to start ECMO (heart/lung bypass machine). This was our biggest fear but we know that this is what is needed. .......Apparently, asphyxia and pulmonary hypertension is a new one for all the big CDH docs. Our doctors have been consulting with the "cooling" experts to prevent further damage to Ireland's brain (due to the cord prolapse). The pulmonary hypertension that we thought would not be such a big deal with our "best case scenario" baby is now off the charts. ...Essentially, we had prepared ourselves for so much, while believing the best, and have instead landed in this vast place of newness and scary terms. ........The ECMO took a very long time to settle into place due to the complications with cooling. .....Mikey and I left to try to get some rest. I got a call sometime this morning that she was stable. With Mikey having been sent back to the hotel to finally get some sleep, Tristan wheeled me to Ireland. .......She is now very swollen and so very still. It's spooky to me. It's hard to look at this precious baby of mine. I'm somehow staying strong and ever positive. I listen in on a meeting of doctors, nurses and experts. I'm so tired. I'm hungry too. I take notes and don't really understand them. I stop taking notes because I really have no idea what I'm writing down. I talk to the nurse. I feel pride that my son is acting a responsible man and loving brother to this precious new life. I touch Ireland as I'm instructed while scared of hurting her or touching one of the flimsy tubes. I listen to that loud pumping Nitrous Oxide machine. I look at the bright red blood going into her neck and the darker blood that enters the ECMO machine. The good nurse is telling me that I should go get some rest. She's right. I'm so tired. ......Tristan wheels me back to my room. I talk to Mikey and we break down over the phone. My nurse takes more vitals from me, I'm given paperwork for a birth certificate, and I have a conversation that I don't really remember with a social worker. I eat a lousy sandwich and fortunately, for savings sake, they have an extra lunch and give Tristan a lousy sandwich too. Mikey calls and he's on his way, stopping to see Ireland first. ....Well, I'm hurting. The greatest nurse I can have talks with me a bit and out of nowhere, I finally break down. I hurt, I'm tired and my baby is at that hospital across the tunnel and I don't know what to do with myself. She hugs me and says it's about time because I need to grieve. I don't want to grieve but I know what she means. It feels good. ........She leaves, brings back some strong medication and explains the new pain medications I'll be on and at what doses. I laugh and say that I have no clue what she's talking about. She hugs me again, leaves and I write this post. Tristan has been my nurse and Mikey will be here at any time. .....I'm tired and plan on getting a nap now. .....I am told to not ask what's happening tomorrow or next week. I ask how the hours are going and if it was a good "shift". ....I feel guilty because I'm tired, wanting sleep and not standing over Ireland. ........I hope she can feel the prayers and love I'm sending to her. ...........this is it for now. I think I've caught up everyone. Please continue to pray for us, we need them. ...my eyes hurt.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

some more quick pics


just wanted to put some more pics really quick...I thought those with CDH babies would appriecate the xray pic... shows the right lung looking good, they little left lung and the intestines on the left... also the wire tube is actually in the stomach were you see it curve back up... Then same pics of us with the little bundle of joy...Chanda is doin just fine.. Ireland's numbers have gone down since the morning... Guess they are having a meeting in the morning to decided on a few options... I still need to feel you all in on the actual happenings of the day after the c section and what went down.. right now we are both just beat and tired.. I feel bad cause me and T are staying at the hotel and leaving Chanda at the hospital but We all need some sleep very bad!! Lots of love to you all that have posted comments... you keep our spirts up... off to sneak on more look at my little girl before bed...








Her she is... Ms. Ireland Rose Brady!!

I have so much going on right now that I cant even begin to try and get it all on here.... The best I can do is show of the most precious thing my eyes have ever seen!!! Today I have found something the is more powerful that anything else in the world... The love of your child. I am greatful for what I have been giving and now understand what all the other fathers have felt at the first moment you see that bundle of joy... I cannot say what I feel.. therefor I give you Ireland Rose Brady... These Pics are worth a million words!!!! Daddy loves you!!!!!!!









Ireland Rose Brady has arrived!!!

In dramatic fashion she came... Chanda was in the bathroom and wanted the nurse and when the nurse came in she said Irelands heart rate was low.. so the doc's came in check her cervix and found the the umbilical cord was in her vagina.... so in a flash or blur to me.. they wisked her out of the room in for a emergency c section... I didnt get to go with her so I was a wreck... poor Tristan.. as soon has I heard umbilical cord I grabbed him and sent him out to the waiting room. They took Chanda out of the room in less then a min and I was left standing there going "What the F>>>>>!!!!! Well Chanda has finally came back into the room.. she doin as well has can be expected... We haven't gotten to much info on Ireland yet. From what I have heard she is struggling with her O2 level which we would have thought. Blood pressure seemed fine and she was kicking and trying to breath... I'm hoping to get a update from the NICU here at the U within the hour. I was told she has lots of brown hair... perfect round head and is beautiful... just like her mother of course!!!! Will update again once I find out more...

Water broke?

Well about 345am Chanda felt like she had to go to the bathroom...now she got a cathader earlier around 830 or so..she called me in after a few min and she had blood in the toliet and I could hear fluid still coming... called the nurse in and they are going to do another sonagram to see if Ireland is still head down. Wasn't a ton of fluid and Chanda is full of fluid so not quite sure were we are. Waiting for the Doc to come back in a let us know what is going on..

pitocin

Chanda got her shot of Pitocin around 1210am... they are trying to get her some more rest... contractions are pickin up and gettin a little stronger... hopefully some time this morning.... 6-8 we can welcome our little girl into this big crazy world..!!!