things I've made for Ireland's arrival

I said I'd add these pics for sometime. Having some lazy moments before I get to work here and wanted to throw these on the blog.

These were the little eye masks that I made some time ago. Want to make many more for anyone that wants these or possibly needs to give their baby some flair in the NICU.

These are some simple burp cloths that I made...look much cuter then how I managed to photograph them. Oh well, can sew...photography, not so much!

This is my Lucky dog sitting with some pillows, another little blankie and the eye masks.

These are the little outfits that I'm planning on making this week and one of them will be the coming home outfit...hopefully. ...for those sweeties out there thinking I have a grain of real talent....notice the words "easy" written on the package. This is always the key to anything that'll be worn outside of the house!! :)

Well, adding pics was a major challenge here for me. Just thought I'd let everyone know that I'm possibly the worst blogger and may need to get a book to make this take less than a half hour just downloading pics that kept going to the top of the page and then me having to frequently rearrange my words and pics......anywho, this is my hobby. I would not want a seamstress to judge me but I enjoy my amature work just the same. ....welcome any suggestions on books I should read to make my blog actually look more than amateur or anyone that simply has suggestions. Thanks!!!

Back to reality

Well, yesterday's appointment went well. It was just an ordinary prenatal appointment with the nice, young midwife and a consultation with our beloved Dr. Silver. I weighed in at nearly a ton and somehow managed to laugh. My loving husband let me know that I was starting to look like my Wii character that was trying to balance on the tight rope...for those that have the Wii Fit, ya know the balancing act. I happened to make my character a short and fat, brown haired number complete with pink, fat body and skinny little black legs...beautiful image, huh? It's okay. It really is funny because fact is, I am starting to look like this. ......anywho, my questions were at a minimum. Our lung to head ratio was a 1.59, which remains very good. My only slightly upsetting moment was when I said that I was feeling optimistic and that Ireland was going to sail through this and be home before we knew it. He gave me a look and said that although he would nearly give her the 95 to 100 percent chance to live that we were still dealing with something very significant and to not believe that we were just going home. He felt that her chances for survival were truly high because she has sailed through each test but that many things could happen and that bottom line, even with her optimum state, she was still in for at least 3 weeks in the hospital and that this would not be an easy road. Her condition after the surgery would determine any long term effects. ....I want to add in that he was simply bringing us back down to reality. He wasn't trying to scare me and even threw in that huge percentage because he truly believes we remain on the "best case scenario" road. He just didn't want us to feel that we were going to have this beautiful baby, hold her, have a little surgery and go home. I understand this. Also, Mikey and I were laughing about the whole Wii image when he walked in and were talking about how this was a nice visit, it felt like one of my original "normal" OB appointments. ....I remain respecting my good doctor and appreciating his honesty. I truly feel that the UofU is where we belong and that we have gotten the best care possible. I am also excited to meet the pediatric surgeon on the 11th of June. I asked Dr. Silver what sort of questions should we expect answered and he said anything. Awesome thing, if this surgeon is anything like Dr. Silver then we will be truly comfortable. ...my next appointment with Dr. Silver is of course in two weeks and we'll have another ultrasound at this point. I hope that we have the machine that can give us 3D images...and also, we really liked our first ultrasound tech. The last one we had was nice, we just felt a connection with the first lady we dealt with, believe her name was Lee.
Anywho, am determined to post pictures later today. Maybe throw in a lovely preggo pic of me as well as a few of the things I've made Ireland.
.....Bottom line for me today, I had a tinge of a dark cloud when reality was brought back to my attention because through others blogs I do know the unthinkable can occur and that our initial road will not be easy...but also, remain hopeful that my baby girl will be home. I am not scared of oxygen connections, initial eating problems or even any long term hearing problems or whatever else may come our way...I've been scared of not bringing her home. And with the knowledge I gain each week about what her condition is, the understanding of the various tests that she has had and will have, the knowledge I gain from those that have been before me and share their NICU experiences...well, Ireland will come home and that is truly what I've wanted for a long time. Also, even if there is anything long-term, she will be a normal child.

I've got to throw in this thing from yesterday....Mikey and I had to register my car and get emissions checked after our visit at the UofU. Well, once you hand off the vehicle and go wait for your safety and emissions check, you go in this little room to wait and pay. Wouldn't you know this dad comes strolling in with the two cutest little girls. The one ignored me, grabbed a book and read. The other, who was in little leg braces and had the most adorable blond curly hair, could hardly sit still she was just so loving life. Anyway, the dad was waiting in line to pay, checking on them every minute from where he stood, and needlessly apologizing when this curly haired cutey kept dropping things and talking to me. Wouldn't you know that as they left, this little girl comes to just give me a hug and kiss my arm. Oh my pregnant self!! Her dad sort of laughed and apologized and all I could think was that this was the most precious girl ever. She was just smiling and loudly saying "bye" and I could have totally crushed her with a hug (yet did contain myself). Of course, we were leaving all of a minute behind them and I was nearly crying. Mikey just sort of chuckled but he knew it was adorable, too. ...anyway, something about this girl let me know that all was going to be fine. Can't explain it, I just know it. It was my little gift from God and that little moment was truly beautiful.

Hibernation

Sorry, I've been keeping myself busy lately. Call it nesting or maybe realizing all that I should be doing while home right now. I am truly amazed at those that stay home and clean, cook and tend to all domestic things. I did this for almost two years when Tristan was a baby but man, I forgot. You work and work and sometimes,within a week (atleast on cleaning side)...it looks like you didn't really do all that much. I've been tending our very small garden....didn't want a big one this year...And, I've finally picked up my sewing bug again. I think having a girl has really upped my love for making stuff. I keep asking my son, nearly 14yrs old, if he'd like me to make him anything just because I realize that I'm doing so much preparing for Ireland now. He keeps saying that he'll think on it but honestly, for my guilty feelings, I don't think he really cares as long as he is fed, clothed, and gets some attention himself.
Anyway, we have a doctors appointment tomorrow. We have some questions to ask and also, I'm going to try to get my diabeties lab taken care of tomorrow so that I don't have to drive out to the UofU just for that. ....really, I hope that I'm not in some denial but I'm really not too worried lately. I feel that Ireland must have a mild case of CDH and even though I know her birth will not be my dream scenario and a stay in the NICU will be difficult, I also feel that I know she'll be home once it's over and I'm really feeling that she won't be a case that has to have some extreme sort of isolation once she is home. If things turn out different, I'll deal with it then. For now, I'm really enjoying my pregnancy, starting to enjoy staying home and just generally getting excited about having a baby again.
I'll try to post some pics of my latest sewn things sometime this week, just for bragging rights because truly, my talents are not expressed that often. (Most women probably forget all about the fact they have talents between taking care of kid/kids, significant other, jobs, home, etc.)...anyway, so far, it's just some fancied up burp rags, a few small blankets, and am going to make a simple dress for her to come home in...a few other small things.

Also, want to give a shout out to fellow veterans, past and present. I love them all and truly appreciate the freedoms I am allowed through their selfless service. Most veterans do not even realize their sacrifice until they can look back and realize what was given up on any given moment because the phone rang and you had to serve your respected branch of service before you did what you may have wanted to do that given day, month or year. Sadly, too many never even had the chance to look back. ....just something to think about on this Memorial day.

quick post

I wanted to throw out there that I got the MRI results yesterday. There is nothing new to report. We're still dealing with just the stomach and bowels in the chest cavity. This is pretty decent news to us because in the past month that means that as Ireland is growing, she's not having migration of other organs into the chest. YAY!!! None of this is exactly exciting news but at this point, we can deal with this and are simply ecstatic that she is growing as she should.
I was also scheduled for my first pediatric surgeon consult. We're pretty excited about this because we have tons of questions for this poor doctor.

Just a shout out to Tracy, we are seeing a Dr. Sciac..something like that, is that Ian's surgeon? And how is your son?

To everyone that sent condolonces for my cousin, thank you. I've decided instead of flying out for his memorial service to fly out for a weekend to enjoy my family and friends. This was sort of my mom's suggestion and after thinking about it, it made sense. My cousin was not the type for mourning but for having a good time. I have not been home to VA for over a year now and it will be nice to see everyone. ....this particular weekend, is about mourning my cousin and celebrating his life, not greeting me. My thoughts will continue to be with my Aunt and her most immediate family. As too many CDH mothers know, anyone burying their child needs all the prayers they can get. My cousin was in his upper 40's and the fact is that his mother had to say goodbye and it is just not the natural order of things.

....also, for those wondering. I'd love to stay for more than just a weekend but between family schedules and my increasing amount of appointments, a weekend is all I've got right now.

Yesterday....

Yesterday was more than I bargained for. I was up early to shower and shave to get ready for a day at the UofU. Our bonus was that apparently no one comes to the hospital first thing in the morning...so decent parking was acquired for once!! Well, after waiting for nearly an hour, I had my MRI. I don't want to do anything like this again any time soon! I am rarely claustrophobic but man, the MRI machine brings that out. They had these earphones on me to tune out the noise of the machine and had Leann Rhimes playing....normally, I love Leann Rhimes. By the time I was done, I nearly hated her music. Seriously, the whole thing sucked. ....the guy putting me in the thing was very nice. He gave me this little bulb to squeeze if I needed him and I was determined to be the ideal patient. I told him no problem...and he let me know that it would be about 15 minutes unless Ireland decided to move the entire time. On cue, the minute I was in the machine, Ireland started moving. Oh my God. I thought I'd cry then and there. ...long story short, I was probably in there closer to 15 or 20 minutes, I did not squeeze the bulb to scream help, and was rescued before I decided to start having my full blown tears and panic attack. I should have asked questions when he asked if I had any but I recall just making a bee line out of there and wanting to go. Crazy.
Mikey and I had a couple of hours to kill so went to IKEA to walk around for an hour before we had to head back for the ultrasound and meeting with the doctors. Managed to only buy a few majorly cheap things and then headed back to the U. Out of nowhere, Tristan calls and lets me know that he believed he broke his finger. Well, that makes you feel like crap! You've got appointments for the future baby and your current baby needs to go to the doctor. We were about an hour away from Tristan and basically decided that the finger would have to wait a few more hours after talking to someone at the school that assured me that it could wait. ....okay that was my first little insight to mothering more than my one. Then again, I didn't feel that I was choosing one over the other, just deciding what had to be done at that particular moment. Much easier than I thought it would be. It made sense to stay and get Ireland's tests done and the school official did truly assure me that Tristan was in no immediate danger.
Well, once at the U, we had the ultrasound done. We were a tad upset that we had a different UT tech but it wasn't that big of a deal. Just the one before, Joe, was the tech that we felt more comfortable with. ....It had been a month since the last ultrasound so part of us was nervous that her growing had called more problems but according to the meeting with Dr. Silver afterwards, everything looks the same. He is still just noticing the stomach and part of the intestine up and the heart pushed over a bit....this is actually good news because nothing has moved up. Then again he'll have a better look at everything with the MRI but for whatever reason, he didn't get that back and I won't have those results until most likely, today. ....I was told that my amniotic fluid is on the high side but that this is somewhat common right now for what we've got going on. I also gained nearly 5 pounds. That was upsetting because I've hardly gained weight throughout the entire pregnancy and BAM!...oh well, it was bound to happen.
Anyway, on the way home I got a hold of Tristan on the phone and he let me know that he was fine but his finger was bruised and swollen. I made an appointment at our dr's office and luckily got one for a few hours later. ....during this time, my brother had let me know that my cousin had passed away. We were expecting this news but it was upsetting. I had not seen this particular cousin for years but always had an odd connection with him because I felt that he and I were the black sheep of the family. Also, he was so much fun when I was little!.....He was only 10 or so years older than me and I just feel his life was cut short. Also, his mother happens to be my favorite aunt. She has been there for every single major moment in my life and I sure want to be there for her moments. After talking to my mom, I've decided not to fly out the funeral but to wait a few weeks for more quality time with my family. It has been over a year since I've been home and we've decided that my cousin was the type to rather have you there for a good time than to cry over him.....my family had told me that they thought that he'd be buried at his childhood church but apparently it's decided that he will be cremated instead. This is oddly comforting to me because I wasn't sure in my heart of hearts that he'd want to be buried...and I base this on nothing but the feeling that he was such a free spirit. My heart and prayers are with all my family right now, especially my Aunt who is doing the unthinkable and dealing with the pain of losing her child and also with my cousins' girlfriend, that had loved him for over 14 years.

On the lighter side of yesterday, my brother informed me of a friend looking for me through facebook. I have not seen her or spoke to her for YEARS and couldn't be happier to see how amazing her life has become. She and I were the best of friends during probably some of our darkest moments and I am so glad to reconnect with her. I can't wait to finally speak to her on the phone and will be even happier when we can see each other. Of course, she now lives in Seattle, WA but luckily, I also have an aunt and uncle that I'd love to visit up there as well!

Well, amazingly, the sun came up today and there is another opportunity to have a great day. Yesterday was not horrible. I would have loved to have the MRI results but patience is something that I'm working on. Mikey and I are believing that no news is good news and that Ireland's condition is staying consistent instead of worsening. Tristan's finger will heal within 3 weeks even though baseball will probably take a back seat. My cousin's death, though sad, he would not have wanted to be living without a real life. He is not in any pain today. Me, I'm a little fatter, but my baby is bigger and growing on schedule. I also have found a friend that I've had more ups and downs with than I can count and I can't wait to talk to her.

Appointments tomorrow

Sorry that I haven't posted lately! I've been busy with work for a change and when I haven't been busy in that way, I've been trying to get some rest. I've never had horrible allergies and these are taking the cake this year!
Tomorrow is the MRI, another ultrasound and meeting with our great Dr. Silver. I'm starting to run out of questions for him and tending to want to meet the surgeons and neonatal doctors. We're really ready to have a tour of where Ireland will be when she's born. We'd also like to see if there are any current patients with CDH over at the NICU. It would be nice to meet someone personally dealing with this and also to see what we're dealing with. It's one thing to read personal accounts and to see pictures but I really would like to see the real deal. I hear it's a shock and I'd like to get as much of that out of my system as I can. I am hitting this point where I'm feeling so positive about Ireland's outcome. I know that this probably seems to change from week to week but seriously, I can talk about her "condition" with a smile and not only reassure whomever I'm talking to but also really mean it. So far, she's come through all of her tests with flying colors and I'm just back on track of enjoying my pregnancy and getting ready for a baby to come home. I'm excited to hear her MRI outcome and also to have this next ultrasound. So far, each trip to the doctor and each test has brought us closer to feeling good about Ireland. I guess this MRI and ultrasound will be the thing that makes us feel even better. I'm hoping that since the MRI is scheduled for the morning that by the time we have the ultrasound and see the doctor in the afternoon, that we'll be told everything looks the same....meaning no more organs have pushed through that diaphragm hole. ....I'm also just excited to see Ireland...guess this is the selfish bonus of our appointments, we get lots of ultrasounds. She seems to be an octopus lately so I want to count legs and arms because this girl is on the move. She seems to be low and high all of a sudden! She must be an acrobat or something...plus, she should be starting to put some weight on and I hope we can get a decent 3D picture....we have a few already but she still looks sort of alien and majorly skinny in them. I'm also not wanting to stand on the scale this time! I don't think I'd even gained an ounce the last appointment or two but lately, I seem to be hungry every hour or so. Would imagine that there will definitely be a gain this go round....for anyone concerned, don't be. We dealt with infertility for nearly 5 years and that left me with extra weight before I even got pregnant so the doctor says I'm fine as long as I'm eating decently. I have to check but to date (26 weeks), I've only gained about 10lbs, if that. Once again, total chunky before I even got preggo and can assure everyone that I am a pig and rings were gone and moved to necklace by the 3rd month of this roly-poly adventure.
Anywho, prayers for us tomorrow please! Also, checked on baby Ruby the other day that I obsessively check on and she is off of the ECMO (big bad heart/lung bypass machine). So glad to hear this. Strangely overjoyed at the news of this little baby that I'll most likely never know.

I'm whining...and updating on my babies

I feel huge. I believe I overdid it yesterday and really hurt my back. I've had the occasional uncomfortable back but man, I really did something! On top of that, I slept in a position that did not make me anymore comfortable. I believe that I pinched that stupid sciatic nerve again because my stinking leg has joined in the hurting this morning. I know, boo-hoo. I can't imagine those that suffer from this constantly...even if I suffer from this throughout the pregnancy, I know it'll end once Ireland is born. In my defense, it doesn't help this morning. I truly believe I get this because God insists on me only having skinny legs...granted they are not my pretty legs of yesteryear but they tend to stay on the slim side when the rest of me balloons beyond the so called "apple" shape and more in to X-LG lollipop shape....doesn't help that I'm only 5'4, when a few more inches could of helped me out!!!
Well, I couldn't sleep a wink, was up around 4 and just couldn't go back to sleep. Was a bit hungry and decided that since I'm feeling so thin to have some cocoa and just two decent sized oatmeal cookies...I splashed milk in the cocoa for some nutrition and figure there are raisins and oatmeal in the cookies...this covers some nutrition. Plus the ever wonderful prenatal pill/constipation endorser.
Anywho, will stop complaining for the moment. Plan on maybe doing some simple step aerobics on the Wii and maybe that'll help....we'll see. ......I've been really paying attention to my original 3 CDH babies. Kaden, Ruby and Charlie/Gumdrop. Of course, Kaden sadly passed away and my prayers are more focused on his family. I am still amazed at how soon I felt connected to Kaden's family and the journey that they were on. I click on their site to see how they're all doing and still feel upset on how unfair it was that their baby boy was taken so soon. I check on Ruby and am amazed with the strength her parents exhibit daily. They are on the path of doing what they can for their daughter and are continually teaching me the ways of the NICU while they are at the Children's hospital of Philadelphia. They have had to endure watching a baby across the room pass away, they've had to make ordinary decisions that are extraordinary during this time (i.e. should we leave to eat, sleep here or there, etc.), and through it all they detail each step through their blog. Ruby is one cute little girl and yes, I'm attached to her through following her little journey. ...and then there is Charlie. He has had his own long journey and is finally (as of a few days ago) home. Charlie was one baby that did not need the ECMO (big bad heart/lung bypass monster), yet was in the hospital for nearly 3 months. He also had a continuous up and down journey that kept his folks through the gamut of every emotion imaginable. And fortunately, he is home but must be isolated for up to a year. How difficult a time when during a pregnancy, you can't wait to show off your little baby. ...I'll be thinking of his family because I'd imagine this will be very difficult and is probably a very exciting and scary time. Many people forget that the main goal for all CDH babies is healthy lungs. The babies going home have one semi-decent lung and one lung that has overcome some major smooshing and is needing to grow and continue it's path of healing. The diaphragm is most likely still healing from the repair surgery, the organs that grew in the chest area are making a recovery to function properly in their new home of the abdomen, and some babies have additional heart problems, hearing problems, growth issues, etc. I see how hard the CDH journey is. My prayers will stay with Charlie's parents because the excitement of being home has a shadow of learning to deal with the hard stuff even while they get to enjoy the good of having him home.
Anywho, just wanted to update on these families because they're the ones I have initially observed since I found out about Ireland. Since then, I've had the pleasure of "meeting" tons more people that are on the up and up of CDH. I don't expect everyone to become advocates of CDH but I'd just like to say that even one small prayer for this condition, the families, the babies, and the doctors and nurses that deal with this....well, it is a good thing.
Of course, now that I've blogged a bit and filled up my belly some, I'm tired just as the sun is slowly peeking over the mountains. Silly me. I think I'll take myself a little nap now.

Loving Technology...and ladybugs :)

I've gotta tell you that I just love technology. My awesome hubby got us all new phones yesterday...our 2 yr contracts were up so they were free. We went online, picked out what we liked, ran to the store to check them out, came home because they wanted to charge us something crazy upfront and then give us rebates (meaning Not free and we have to do all the stinking paperwork)....picked them out again online, Mikey did some talking on the phone, went back to the store, and now we all have really cool phones that play music, have cool features that we'll probably never use and our pictures are easier to see since they arrive much bigger than the old flip phones we had. Much better to see my far away nephew. Also, I'm pretty close to my brother and it's a great way that we keep in touch.
Anyway, I've been loving keeping up this blog. I have times like this weekend where I don't necessarily have much to say and then times where I could type forever. ...point is, it's a great outlet for me, I get such awesome feedback that can uplift and make a day so much better or really show me some real in site, and then I feel that I may be helping others through either what I say or what people say back to me. Good feeling!
Also, for those that are not on facebook. I highly recommend it. I have been in contact with tons of friends from back home in Virginia and family from all over and it is another great thing about our technological world. This is another place where I just plain old get good vibes constantly and if someone else is down, you can lift them up so easily with a few kind words.
anywho....now that i've pitched all things technological...I wanted to thank everyone for sort of supporting my feelings...the good and the bad. I also wanted to update on our shopping trip Friday. We went to quite a few places and I pretty much have my heart set on this ladybug set from Kids Line for Ireland's room. It has the colors of pink, sage and red....great girl colors and not too ooey gooey for my taste. Mikey wasn't sure about it at first and joked that he didn't know if there were any ladybugs in Ireland....but I told him, the great thing about infants is that Mama chooses and our Ireland won't be at an age to argue about her room. So, ladybugs it is. There are also cute flowers and I want to say a butterfly or two. We've pretty much decided to paint the bottom half of her walls pink, use the Kids Line "ladybug" theme border and then keep the top white. We're most likely going for white furniture because I have an old dresser that I'm giving her that will look much better with a layer of paint due to my apparent messy obsession with nail polish when I was young.....and, I am letting Mikey pick out the crib. I could honestly careless as long as it is safe. ...for now, our current savings plan has me scouring the internet for the best prices for this bedding and decor set. It's amazing the differences you find in prices. Babies 'r us had this set for about $165 and Shop-ko had it on sale for $120.....going to research some this week but may have to go back to Shop-ko before the sale ends on the 9th.
Anyway, we had an uneventful weekend. It was nice because we've had stuff to do each week for months now and we even had Tristan to ourselves (minus sleepovers) for once. Very nice. He's started his baseball where the practices just happen to be at the park next door to us...very convenient! T (Tristan) and I had church this morning, went out to breakfast, he got his haircut and I grocery shopped...Mikey came home before noon from work...and well, this Sunday was a perfect day. I personally love home and like days like this. I could of and probably should have done more chores but they'll be there tomorrow for me. It's not like I'm working tons right now. I'm starting to enjoy this staying at home thing and part of it is that I don't feel like I'm totally out of touch with the world....thanks to yes, technology. Plus, we're probably eating better, definitely saving gas money since my work tends to have me all over the state, and most of the time the house seems in a much better condition :) Granted the garden gnomes of UT have not congregated in my garden and magically made it beautiful...maybe soon.

Deep: death and dying touched on here

Last night was one of those evenings that I once again am reminded that there are many layers to Mikey. Kind of like Shrek...remember the onion :). Anyway, we were talking about a phone call he had earlier. I won't go into too much detail because I wouldn't ever want to hurt this particular person but I'm going to say that I'm amazed at how many people cocoon themselves in guilt when others can let it go. It's so dang debilitating! He was on the phone for a good hour and a half and I do hope that when he hung up, there was some sort of peace on the other end. Anywho, as we're talking...one of those good talks that tend to come more often in the face of hardship...we hit on quite a few topics and eventually it led us to Ireland's birth and for the first time, possibly her death. It's hard to say that and I don't imagine we'll go there many more times. But we decided, in tears that it was okay to talk about this. Bottom line, I had a moment where I just said I wasn't sure that I'd want her buried here in Utah when I wasn't sure if it's where I'd want to be buried. I would want her near me and not alone. I don't even know if I'd want the whole cremation thing and have some jar in the house where I may feel heartbroken constantly. Well, the entire conversation on this didn't last a long time because it's uncomfortable, sad and we're wanting to continue on our course of hope. I just wanted to continue my little blog of honesty here and say that this happened. I'm sure there are many with opinions and honestly, I would prefer no one give me religious lessons here...this is probably, to me anyway, as personal as I can get on this blog. I read other blogs, when I can, that tell the stories of other families that have dealt with CDH and the hard reality is seeing the great outcomes and reading the difficult times that can end so tragically. .......I just wanted to put this conversation of ours out there because I know I'm not the first person that has thought of this during a difficult pregnancy. I'd like to believe she'll be in heaven and if there is a heaven, she would surely be there ...but there are times that I wonder if we're part of a circle of life where there is a sort of heaven about being part of the earth, ya know, feeding the earth and we're all connected that way. Anyway, I don't want to get all deep and theological. Prayer and God are important to me but I am human and the type that can think too much...and it's a good thing and possibly a bad thing too. Just would like my opinions respected since this is my experience. ....anyone that reads this, by now knows my writing can be a bit all over the place...forgive me and hopefully the rambling once again made some sense.
Well, on that possibly depressing note...I'd like to say that I'm nearly 25 weeks now and am ready to make this nursery. Mikey has the day off and we're going to look at some cribs and such today. It's time. I'm at peace more and more all of the time and thinking positive and knowing that if this does not work out our way that there is good in donation too. And seriously, that is IT on the depressing junk.....We're on a really positive route. Ireland has definitely got some hurdles but she has passed some pretty tough tests lately. She enjoys kicking me and I enjoy knowing she's there. We've got incredible doctors and awesome support. Deep down, I am believing that she is going to continue her best-case-scenario and come home and get better each day. She's going to love being a Brady baby! Who wouldn't want me as there mom?! :)