Wednesday, August 26, 2009

PRAY

I am a basket case! I looked at all of our pics of Ireland tonight and our little girl has come a looong way! I forgot how huge and bloated she got on that first day of ECMO. My word!!! She was twice as big as she is now! .....I looked at what I'm calling the "many faces of Ireland" because she looks so different each day! And man, she is one beautiful baby. I am glad that she is relaxing now (although the fact that she needs so much sedative and morphine to get there sucks), but I really enjoyed that day when she was just kicking around and looking at us. I realized how much I love her that day. And ya know, she so knows who we are. We can hardly speak without her getting excited. And man, she knows who daddy is. Jealous as I am, I am pretty sure she wants to know where he is first........Today, Ireland started to wake up from all of her sedatives and such and gave us another peek of her beautiful eyes. You could tell that she was definitely on some heavy stuff but it sure was nice to look at her and have her look back. Too soon, it was decided to up her morphine and she was out again.

As Mikey posted before, she's having her surgery tomorrow. She is still on the ECMO. ....I have faith in the doctors and I pray for the strength to think positive come the morning. I want to be strong for her and whisper encouragement before the afternoon comes and with it, the surgery (3:15 our time). .........I have now pumped 3 times with no success. I guess its the stress. I mean, I get a drop or two that sticks to the damn suction cups and that is it. I've never really given a hoot about breast feeding but seriously, this was the one thing I felt that I could go out of my way and give to her. I can not for the life of me stop crying. I'd say my breast are shriveled and useless but anyone who knows me, well....they're far from shriveled and they hurt as if the milk's there and just won't come out....I don't know, Mikey says I just need to give up tonight and sleep.

I can't even call the NICU for an update...Mikey has to. After all the blogging that I've been doing for months, you'd think I'd be excited for this surgery and not such a ball-bucket/cry baby at any given moment...Mikey just called as I'm writing and the nurse said that she had to have some more morphine tonight, Ireland has to just be restless and sick of all of this, and other than that the nurse said she's nice and pink and resting.

Anyway, we have a room at the hotel for tomorrow night, Tristan is staying with friends and we'll be as ready as we can be tomorrow. I'm totally nervous and scared. I feel like my heart is just being slashed open and I wish we could just trade places. I so don't want her to hurt and I just wish she were home and that we'd never heard of CDH.

Totally can't write anymore and need to go to bed. Please pray like crazy for all involved tomorrow...Ireland, especially.

11 comments:

  1. We are sending prayers!!!! I will keep them going all day tomorrow as well. Ireland is strong and I have a really good feeling. I know it is hard to watch your child go through so much. It is hard to stay strong. Just keep the faith.

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  2. I"m praying! I'm so glad she's having the surgery though. I wish I had never heard of CDH either, but we have and it's real, and the pain is real.....i'm sorry your going through this, stay strong!

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  3. Am keeping Ireland in my prayers. Shes a
    fighter and I have good feelings about
    tomoorow. You all be strong. Sending lots of
    Love & Prayers Monica

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  4. My prayers and thoughts will be with you and Ireland tommorrow. She is soooo beautiful! She does have such a healthy pink color!
    Love,
    Jennifer

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  5. Wow big day! What a wonderful place to be at, for her to be fighting and thriving to get to the next step in her recovery....Unfortunately this is just scary as HELL!

    Like I've shared with you before, I have had a strong impression through many hours of prayer that this little girl will live long and surely she will tell others her own story. God has used you as a vessel to manifest a miracle and when Ireland is through all she has to go through to be over the mountain of CDH, this nightmare will be a huge testament of your faith.

    Chanda your family inspires me. your husband's love for you and your daughter warms my heart and I can feel God's love for you every time I pray for your little princess.

    I love our friendship and that you have been there for me in some of the darkest times of my life and I will be here for yours. It is a gift to have found you. I have always felt we would be forever friends. Hang in there I am hugging you in spirit and truly shedding tears with you as well are many others I am sure. You are being the best Mommy she could ask for and you made sure to hand pick her a wonderful Daddy ; what more can she ask for?

    Now let go (of things you can't control) and let God (Do the rest)

    -Tree

    I love you soooo much

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  6. If you want to (and have the time) email me and I can talk to you privately about my experience with pumping and the stress and what helped. heelsgirl2001@yahoo.com

    Surgery is a big step in the right direction. A step toward healing and finally coming home. I will be checking in often for updates and will be thinking about your family all day. She'll do great and you'll be relieved to see her without ECMO.

    -Kellie

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  7. Chanda,

    I will keep Ireland in my thoughts today. She's a fighter.

    As for the pumping. I had a hard, too. Not as hard as you, but a hard time. If you ever need to talk let me know.

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  8. Hey Chanda, Mike & Tristan,
    Just want to say "hi" and that I love you all. Praying hard for all of you today (as I have been each day), but especially for Ireland! Her pictures are beautiful but I know I don't have to tell you that. Look to God for strength today. He has a lot to give! Becky and Roger do a wonderful job of keeping us updated but I really appreciate reading your posts as well. It gives me a sense of being there with you. Thanks for sharing!
    Love,
    Carol Jean

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  9. Praying for the entire medical team watching over and caring for Ireland. Praying for strength for all of you, especially Ireland to come through the surgery fighting and on the road to healing. Positive thoughts and energy being sent your way!! Look forward to hearing that Ireland is out of surgery and she is stable and that the operation was a success.

    Thinking of you today!! Tracy

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  10. We are keeping you in our thoughts and prayers. A special blessing for the doctors today. And as always love strength and hope sent to you Mike and Ireland-I cant forget Tristan. Please let us know if we can do anything and we will be anxiously waiting updates about your beautiful little princess!!! All our love and God Bless you all!!!
    Jamie Phippen & Family

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  11. Chanda and Mike,
    Prayers are being sent from New Jersey, for your sweet and beautiful daughter, Ireland. May God keep his arms around you both, as you await the news of her surgery. She is a stong little girl, and I'm sure she will do just fine. I have followed Kellie's Baby C, and he has come so far, and is another miracle. Keep the faith and soon you will get a chance to hold your Ireland Rose.
    Hugs to all,
    Dale, a Mom-Mom from NJ

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