Wednesday, May 13, 2009


Yesterday was more than I bargained for. I was up early to shower and shave to get ready for a day at the UofU. Our bonus was that apparently no one comes to the hospital first thing in the decent parking was acquired for once!! Well, after waiting for nearly an hour, I had my MRI. I don't want to do anything like this again any time soon! I am rarely claustrophobic but man, the MRI machine brings that out. They had these earphones on me to tune out the noise of the machine and had Leann Rhimes playing....normally, I love Leann Rhimes. By the time I was done, I nearly hated her music. Seriously, the whole thing sucked. ....the guy putting me in the thing was very nice. He gave me this little bulb to squeeze if I needed him and I was determined to be the ideal patient. I told him no problem...and he let me know that it would be about 15 minutes unless Ireland decided to move the entire time. On cue, the minute I was in the machine, Ireland started moving. Oh my God. I thought I'd cry then and there. ...long story short, I was probably in there closer to 15 or 20 minutes, I did not squeeze the bulb to scream help, and was rescued before I decided to start having my full blown tears and panic attack. I should have asked questions when he asked if I had any but I recall just making a bee line out of there and wanting to go. Crazy.
Mikey and I had a couple of hours to kill so went to IKEA to walk around for an hour before we had to head back for the ultrasound and meeting with the doctors. Managed to only buy a few majorly cheap things and then headed back to the U. Out of nowhere, Tristan calls and lets me know that he believed he broke his finger. Well, that makes you feel like crap! You've got appointments for the future baby and your current baby needs to go to the doctor. We were about an hour away from Tristan and basically decided that the finger would have to wait a few more hours after talking to someone at the school that assured me that it could wait. ....okay that was my first little insight to mothering more than my one. Then again, I didn't feel that I was choosing one over the other, just deciding what had to be done at that particular moment. Much easier than I thought it would be. It made sense to stay and get Ireland's tests done and the school official did truly assure me that Tristan was in no immediate danger.
Well, once at the U, we had the ultrasound done. We were a tad upset that we had a different UT tech but it wasn't that big of a deal. Just the one before, Joe, was the tech that we felt more comfortable with. ....It had been a month since the last ultrasound so part of us was nervous that her growing had called more problems but according to the meeting with Dr. Silver afterwards, everything looks the same. He is still just noticing the stomach and part of the intestine up and the heart pushed over a bit....this is actually good news because nothing has moved up. Then again he'll have a better look at everything with the MRI but for whatever reason, he didn't get that back and I won't have those results until most likely, today. ....I was told that my amniotic fluid is on the high side but that this is somewhat common right now for what we've got going on. I also gained nearly 5 pounds. That was upsetting because I've hardly gained weight throughout the entire pregnancy and BAM!...oh well, it was bound to happen.
Anyway, on the way home I got a hold of Tristan on the phone and he let me know that he was fine but his finger was bruised and swollen. I made an appointment at our dr's office and luckily got one for a few hours later. ....during this time, my brother had let me know that my cousin had passed away. We were expecting this news but it was upsetting. I had not seen this particular cousin for years but always had an odd connection with him because I felt that he and I were the black sheep of the family. Also, he was so much fun when I was little!.....He was only 10 or so years older than me and I just feel his life was cut short. Also, his mother happens to be my favorite aunt. She has been there for every single major moment in my life and I sure want to be there for her moments. After talking to my mom, I've decided not to fly out the funeral but to wait a few weeks for more quality time with my family. It has been over a year since I've been home and we've decided that my cousin was the type to rather have you there for a good time than to cry over family had told me that they thought that he'd be buried at his childhood church but apparently it's decided that he will be cremated instead. This is oddly comforting to me because I wasn't sure in my heart of hearts that he'd want to be buried...and I base this on nothing but the feeling that he was such a free spirit. My heart and prayers are with all my family right now, especially my Aunt who is doing the unthinkable and dealing with the pain of losing her child and also with my cousins' girlfriend, that had loved him for over 14 years.

On the lighter side of yesterday, my brother informed me of a friend looking for me through facebook. I have not seen her or spoke to her for YEARS and couldn't be happier to see how amazing her life has become. She and I were the best of friends during probably some of our darkest moments and I am so glad to reconnect with her. I can't wait to finally speak to her on the phone and will be even happier when we can see each other. Of course, she now lives in Seattle, WA but luckily, I also have an aunt and uncle that I'd love to visit up there as well!

Well, amazingly, the sun came up today and there is another opportunity to have a great day. Yesterday was not horrible. I would have loved to have the MRI results but patience is something that I'm working on. Mikey and I are believing that no news is good news and that Ireland's condition is staying consistent instead of worsening. Tristan's finger will heal within 3 weeks even though baseball will probably take a back seat. My cousin's death, though sad, he would not have wanted to be living without a real life. He is not in any pain today. Me, I'm a little fatter, but my baby is bigger and growing on schedule. I also have found a friend that I've had more ups and downs with than I can count and I can't wait to talk to her.


  1. I thought about you guys when we there in Salt Lake yesterday and wondering how things were going. Sorry to hear that the experience with the MRI was not good...hope you get the MRI results soon and no surprises, just confirmation on what your doctor has already told you. Don't worry about the weight gain too much...if your fluid levels are high, that can play into it too and Ireland is growing too! I am so sorry about your cousin, my prayers go out to you and your family during this sad time. Hope Tristan's finger feels better soon, that has got to hurt. He is probably more bummed about playing baseball and the finger. Will be watching for an update on the MRI results. Sending lots of positive thoughts and energy for the weeks to come.

    Tracy - Ian's mom

  2. I am so sorry for your family's loss. I will keep them in my prayers. As for the MRI.... Honey I have had 4 of them. I just pretend I am in the tanning bed. (haven't tanned in years but sill remember that closed in felling) it helped me. And like you said no news is good news. Stay positive and keep your head up!!


  3. :-) thinking of you. Hoping your MRI results are good. My MRI took an hour and a half... and I was so pregnant that my belly was touching the machine.. pushed up against it the whole time. It was completly miserable!!! Glad the ultrasound seemed to go better! Continuing to pray for you and your family.