Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Back to reality

Well, yesterday's appointment went well. It was just an ordinary prenatal appointment with the nice, young midwife and a consultation with our beloved Dr. Silver. I weighed in at nearly a ton and somehow managed to laugh. My loving husband let me know that I was starting to look like my Wii character that was trying to balance on the tight rope...for those that have the Wii Fit, ya know the balancing act. I happened to make my character a short and fat, brown haired number complete with pink, fat body and skinny little black legs...beautiful image, huh? It's okay. It really is funny because fact is, I am starting to look like this. ......anywho, my questions were at a minimum. Our lung to head ratio was a 1.59, which remains very good. My only slightly upsetting moment was when I said that I was feeling optimistic and that Ireland was going to sail through this and be home before we knew it. He gave me a look and said that although he would nearly give her the 95 to 100 percent chance to live that we were still dealing with something very significant and to not believe that we were just going home. He felt that her chances for survival were truly high because she has sailed through each test but that many things could happen and that bottom line, even with her optimum state, she was still in for at least 3 weeks in the hospital and that this would not be an easy road. Her condition after the surgery would determine any long term effects. ....I want to add in that he was simply bringing us back down to reality. He wasn't trying to scare me and even threw in that huge percentage because he truly believes we remain on the "best case scenario" road. He just didn't want us to feel that we were going to have this beautiful baby, hold her, have a little surgery and go home. I understand this. Also, Mikey and I were laughing about the whole Wii image when he walked in and were talking about how this was a nice visit, it felt like one of my original "normal" OB appointments. ....I remain respecting my good doctor and appreciating his honesty. I truly feel that the UofU is where we belong and that we have gotten the best care possible. I am also excited to meet the pediatric surgeon on the 11th of June. I asked Dr. Silver what sort of questions should we expect answered and he said anything. Awesome thing, if this surgeon is anything like Dr. Silver then we will be truly comfortable. ...my next appointment with Dr. Silver is of course in two weeks and we'll have another ultrasound at this point. I hope that we have the machine that can give us 3D images...and also, we really liked our first ultrasound tech. The last one we had was nice, we just felt a connection with the first lady we dealt with, believe her name was Lee.
Anywho, am determined to post pictures later today. Maybe throw in a lovely preggo pic of me as well as a few of the things I've made Ireland.
.....Bottom line for me today, I had a tinge of a dark cloud when reality was brought back to my attention because through others blogs I do know the unthinkable can occur and that our initial road will not be easy...but also, remain hopeful that my baby girl will be home. I am not scared of oxygen connections, initial eating problems or even any long term hearing problems or whatever else may come our way...I've been scared of not bringing her home. And with the knowledge I gain each week about what her condition is, the understanding of the various tests that she has had and will have, the knowledge I gain from those that have been before me and share their NICU experiences...well, Ireland will come home and that is truly what I've wanted for a long time. Also, even if there is anything long-term, she will be a normal child.

I've got to throw in this thing from yesterday....Mikey and I had to register my car and get emissions checked after our visit at the UofU. Well, once you hand off the vehicle and go wait for your safety and emissions check, you go in this little room to wait and pay. Wouldn't you know this dad comes strolling in with the two cutest little girls. The one ignored me, grabbed a book and read. The other, who was in little leg braces and had the most adorable blond curly hair, could hardly sit still she was just so loving life. Anyway, the dad was waiting in line to pay, checking on them every minute from where he stood, and needlessly apologizing when this curly haired cutey kept dropping things and talking to me. Wouldn't you know that as they left, this little girl comes to just give me a hug and kiss my arm. Oh my pregnant self!! Her dad sort of laughed and apologized and all I could think was that this was the most precious girl ever. She was just smiling and loudly saying "bye" and I could have totally crushed her with a hug (yet did contain myself). Of course, we were leaving all of a minute behind them and I was nearly crying. Mikey just sort of chuckled but he knew it was adorable, too. ...anyway, something about this girl let me know that all was going to be fine. Can't explain it, I just know it. It was my little gift from God and that little moment was truly beautiful.

2 comments:

  1. Continue to stay positive for Ireland, she will draw from your strength!! This is a tough journey and I truly believe you are in good hands too with the UofU and Primary's. Doctors would never give me a time frame on when Ian would come home, despite me asking a million times. They never wanted me to get my hopes up and then have a big disappointment, for they do understand the roller coaster of emotions that one goes through in the NICU. CDH babies are usually the sickest babies in the NICU. I will never forget the day the neonatologist came back in after rounds and said pack Ian's bags and get out of here!! We were kinda of expecting it to happen in the next week, for we had done all of the parenting classes, CPR class, car seat check, and were tought everything we need to know about taking care of Ian, but it was a total surprise for them to almost kick us out!! Only thing keeping Ian in the hosptal was he still was using an NG tube and oxygen, but he just thrived once we got him home.

    What a beautiful moment at the emission check! You are an amazing mom!! Hope you continue to have good appts. and the visit with the surgeon goes very well. Praying that Ireland keeps getting stronger and she is going to fight!!

    Hugs, Tracy - Ian's mom

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  2. We really enjoy keeping up with you on this blog about little Ireland. I have visited some of the blogs of the others that you are following. I can only say that I am truly blessed to have 4 healthy children. My prayers go out to all of you. We do not know, however, what tomorrow holds, But thank the good Lord we know Who holds tomorrow! Love, Shonna

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