Tuesday, April 28, 2009

At the U of U

Today is our next appointment at the U. We've got a genetic counseling appointment...don't really know what that entails beyond the amniocentesis results and possibly medical history from Mikey and I....my history will be short due to adopted and have no history. This is the first time I've really wished I could have atleast some medical records of my birth parents. All I know is that my birth fater passed away not too many years ago and that my birth mother suffered from a mental illness. Not a lot. As for the amniocentesis results, I feel that this will be good news since the preliminary results came back all normal. After the genetic counseling, we visit with Dr. Silver. He is my primary physician now so I don't know if this'll be part examination / part consultation. I'll be sure to shave, just in case. ....I know that we have a list of questions this time around. A few I've got are: Will I be induced or have a c-section?, Should my diet change to help with amniotic fluid levels or to help Ireland in any way?, Is my cervix OK because I've stopped "relations" (trying not to put TMI) since I've been all out bleeding afterwards?, Will I meet with a social worker soon so that I can better know what to expect at Ireland's birth? Can Tristan at least see her?....a few more. He said to ask him anything so I'm taking full advantage. After this, we have an appointment for the echo cardiogram. I'm very nervous about this appointment. This will make sure that Ireland's heart is ticking along correctly and not too compromised since it has been moved over by her stomach. I've read that heart problems are fairly common in CDH babies and this will be such a relief if it means one less problem that she'll have to deal with. .....It's funny, sort of. I watch the ultrasound that is about 20 minutes, where they first discovered that she had CDH. I study it as if I know what to look for. For those that do not know, I do quite a bit of ultrasound myself, except on industrial materials. So for all of my experience, it is actually completely different...to the point that my screen is read in graph format, not an actual picture. But anyway, I understand fully the technology behind ultrasound and sit there acting like I know what I'm looking at. I don't really. There are dimensions that I get but I really know what I'm looking at simply because the lady that did the ultrasound told me what was what. I sit there looking at where her stomach is and where her heart is and swear that the heart is showing at least all 4 chambers and that it seems to be pumping at a good speed. I certainly hope that it is. I've prayed more than I can remember about this.
Anyway, we need good news. We have been doing quite well with coping (I think) and I don't want to go back to those first few dark days. We have a few friends that believe everything will get better and that's an awesome look but really, it's a fact at this point. She has a definite hole in the diaphragm. Her organs can definitely move up and down. Her stomach and most likely those organs connected are in her chest cavity already and it's doubtful they'll move as they're developing. Biggest thing at this point, we pray the liver stays put and does not move up. This will continue to be a good thing if her liver stays low. ....we have accepted the facts as we have them so far and continue to learn what we can expect.
Oh well, just asking for people's prayers today that things go well. This brings me alot of comfort. It's all we really have right now. ...also, I wanted to touch base that for now, I'm over being angry about all of this. None of us know the big picture here and I guess if it's not my baby, it would have to be someoneelses' and that doesn't seem right either. I guess we're dealing with this because Mikey and I are strong enough to handle this together. It sucks, it isn't an answer that I like, it's simply all I've got. Who can answer why someone deals with this pain and the young child down the street has a dumb moment and has a perfectly healthy baby? It's completely unfair to me but I at least learned a long time ago that life isn't always fair. I like to imagine that Ireland had to have me as her mother because I will fight for her, I won't wither and feel sorry for us forever, I'll accept her completely and somewhere out there is this plan that God had for us because he has some higher purpose that we just don't know about yet.
Anyway, I know that the grass isn't always greener on the other side. Everyone has problems and pain. I definitely got a wake-up call on that in the past few days. I'm just lucky enough that the people in my life that are dealing with their own troubles, deal with it in ways to be mirrored.
....okay, time to start this day. Good vibes to everyone. Prayers to my sis-in-law because she's having some big time tests going on today, too. Hopefully, they'll bring some answers so that she can hurry up and get better!!! And of course, Ireland is my beautiful girl! I'll be posting soon to let everyone know how these tests went today and maybe share some answers to my pressing questions.


  1. Praying that Ireland's heart is functioning normally and is strong!! Hope all the appointments go smoothly and you get some answers to your questions. Sending you positive thoughts and energy to get through today and the months to come. Ireland, keep growing and getting stronger little girl and amaze your mommy with your determination and strength to overcome this CDH!!

    Hugs, Tracy - Ian's mom

  2. We are praying that your tests go smoothly today. I'm glad to hear that you're not angry any more, and that you're taking everything in stride. This is unfortunately, what we're dealt with, and the best thing we can do is be our children's advocate, as you already know, as well as have hope that they will survive. I'm thinking of you, and look forward to hear your updates.

    Brooke and Kamryn's Mommy

  3. You know I will pray for your little Ireland and wish you and your huddy nothing but good news. Your right life isn't always fair, but what we do with it is what makes us who we are. Your strong and I have a feeling that Miss Ireland is too. Hugs from VA.

  4. We are thinking and praying for Ireland and
    you guys every day.You are so welcome for the things we have given Ireland and if you guys need anything else please feel free to ask.I try to keep up with your blog everyday
    and am so glad you keep us informed this way.
    Looking forward to more updates. Monica